The voice diary

Lightly edited for readability. Diary recordings contain strong language. These are my words at the time.

So, this is day one of trying to get used to changing the way I speak. Because I don't think this is meant to be the normal way. Although, after 37 years, it certainly feels very foreign, switching to one I know that I have. It sounds normal in recordings, but it really freaks me out when I try and use it. So I am trying to expose myself to it every day, in order to try and acclimatise. So, here goes. So this is what I normally should sound like. It sounds very strange. The dog's looking at me like, “What are you doing?” “Who are you?” That's kind of how I feel as well. So it just feels very strange, talking the way I haven't spoken like before. Feels like I can't control it very well. It feels very deep, very resonant, very powerful. Just extremely unfamiliar. The dog's still looking at me like, “What the fuck is that noise?” And, yeah, sorry.

Lightly edited for readability. Diary recordings contain strong language. These are my words at the time.

So I wanted to give you a voice sample of what I normally sound like. So this is the way I've been speaking for the last 25 years. I'm in a relatively quiet environment at home, where I'm comfortable. And my voice isn't tired today. But this voice can change quite a lot once it gets tired, or once I'm in an environment that's quite loud, because I can't shout with it. And if I do shout, it just goes higher and higher in pitch. But this is the voice most people know me as using. It is quite difficult to use, and you notice it especially when you switch to the other voice. You can definitely feel the strain. And then this is the other voice, which I'm supposed to be using. You can see that I can switch to it quite easily. It's not difficult. But this one, I don't have to strain. It's quite natural. I can shout in it. I can sing in it. There's a lot of volume. It's more stable, if you listen to it. But this is the voice that is supposed to be there, but hasn't been. So you can imagine it's going to take a lot of adjusting to get used to speaking like this, from speaking a certain way for 25-odd years. This one feels a lot louder in my head. It feels very different. It feels like a different person, almost. I'm getting more and more comfortable using it at home by myself, but I find when I try to use it in front of other people, I just feel really embarrassed. I'm not sure why, because when you listen to recordings, it sounds perfectly fine. This is what a 37-year-old guy should sound like. You know, there's nothing crazy about it. But using it, to me, feels so strange and uncomfortable. Not physically uncomfortable, but mentally and emotionally uncomfortable. So, yeah, I've got a bit to work on. And hopefully I will eventually be speaking this way, because clearly this is the more normal, natural way to be speaking.